Dear Daughter,
What do you look for in a guy? How will
you recognize a good relationship? What can you do
to help a good relationship develop and grow? Let
me give you three things that are necessary for
healthy relationships of any kind. These three
things are respect, empathy, and genuineness.
I believe that you know what is meant by
respect. When people have respect for each other
they value each other. They want to know each
other’s needs, thoughts sand opinions. There may
be disagreements, but the opposing opinion is
respected and even valued, if only because the
opinion is important to the other person. This can
be hard to do at times. It is related to maturity.
As we mature we are better able to hold respect
for others.
Think about respect as you date different
people. Show respect for your date. Does he show
respect for you? Is he interested in your
opinions? Does he ask what you would like to do or
where you would like to go? These are signs of
respect.
Empathy is a wonderful trait to develop.
Empathy is the ability to put oneself in the other
person’s shoes and to understand their view and
perception of a situation. This ability may not
come natural. Fortunately, it is a skill that can
be developed. Just start practicing by imagining
that you are the other person in a conversation.
Try to see their point of view. Try to think like
they are thinking to better understand them. You
can even practice this while watching television.
Try to put yourself in the various characters’
shoes. Try to see each person’s viewpoint and
why they are different.
Does your date seem to show empathy? Does
he seem to listen to what you say? Is he able to
verbalize your ideas and see your point of view?
These things indicate empathy. If two people are
able to provide empathy for each other, conflicts
are more easily resolved. Add respect to the
relationship and things are even better. The end
result is a relationship that will uplift and
compliment both persons.
Genuineness relates to both respect and
empathy. You have to be yourself in the
relationship. Don’t try to put up a front and
pretend to be someone else. Just be you, with
plenty of empathy and respect. In fact, if you are
not genuine it will eventually show and it is a
turn-off for most people. When you show respect,
it must be genuine. When you show empathy, it must
be real.
Genuineness may be a little shaky early
on in the relationship because you will both be on
your best behavior. With time the façade will
drop, and hopefully, you can both just be
yourselves.
Respect, empathy, and genuineness, move
toward making them a part of your relationships.
Even better, make them a way of life.
Alan Yarbrough, Ed. D. is a retired
psychologist. Letters to my Daughter is a series
of heart-touching letters written by a Christian
psychologist to his teenage daughter. These
letters deliver what most parents want to say, but
rarely do. Available at http://www.pricelessebooks.com
or http://www.amazon.com
